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I Don't Care If You're Laughing At Me...
Recognizing self-failures is hard to do. What I did to acknowledge and accept change.

DC
APR 28, 2023

Saying "yes" to please others may seem like a good idea at the moment, but it can have serious long-term consequences. By constantly putting the needs of others before our own, we can lose sight of our own self-esteem, emotional abilities, and ability to manage stress. This can lead to doubt and even a fractured sense of self.

As someone who has experienced this firsthand, I believe that our past experiences shape who we are today. Those who advise us to "let the past go" may not understand how our past decisions have influenced our current thought processes. For example, when I was in high school, I was dating a girl I was head over heels in love with. We worked together at a movie theater, and everything seemed perfect until she started secretly dating my best friend.

On the night we were supposed to go on a double date, they stood me up. I was angry, upset, and confused. I could have chosen to cut both of them out of my life, but instead, I took what I thought was the high road and decided to forgive them both. However, instead of receiving praise for my forgiveness, I find that people are often surprised by my reaction when I share that story. They say things like, "Wow, I would have never done that," or "I would have cut them out of my life immediately." I didn't understand why people didn't recognize my kindness and generosity.

Looking back, I realize that my desire to please others had clouded my judgment. By focusing on how others perceived me, I lost sight of my own needs and desires. This pattern continued throughout my life, leading to a fractured sense of self and a lack of self-esteem.

It's important to recognize that our past experiences shape who we are today. While we can't change the past, we can learn from it. By understanding how our past decisions have influenced the current ways we live our lives, we can make more informed choices about how we want to move forward.

In my case, I wish I had stood by my original convictions and cut ties with my friend and ex-girlfriend. I definitely don’t regret the choices I made in that scenario, after all, he and I are still friends to this day, but the choice I made at the time, may have changed the direction I went in because I thought I was doing the right thing. While it may have been difficult in the short term, it would have saved me years of heartache and self-doubt. It's like a growing plant that branches off with new stems; each decision we make leads us down a different path.

It's important to prioritize our own needs and desires, even if it means saying "no" to others. By understanding how our past experiences have influenced our current identity, we can make more informed choices about how we want to move forward. Don't let the desire to please others cloud your judgment and lead to a fractured sense of self.